You're a Sad, Pitiful Excuse For a Man, Charlie Brown: The Follies in a So-Far Failed Love Life

Ah, how much more can the single life be glorified? I think of "the old ball and chain" as an interestingly negative symbol for those in relationships, as if having a loving companion is equivalent to being chained down as a prisoner. Come to think of it, why don't we ask some guests of our nation's correctional facilities how their time in solitude compares to to the confines of loving arms?

That being said, let's talk about good old Charlie Brown. He has no respect from his peers, he has no hair, and his best friend is a dog. In the legendary Christmas special, Charlie was suffering from bouts of depression. I'm surprised he was never prescribed Zoloft. What stuck with me more in all these years of Peanuts comic strips and TV specials is his undying commitment as the football team's kicker. A few yards away, holding the ball, is Lucy, the girl that serves as Charlie's high-rate therapist and high-maintainance love interest. In classic fashion, she pulls the ball away right as Charlie takes the stride to kick it, sending him reeling. Lucy and the team laugh hysterically, as Charlie brushes himself off, ready to try again.

As a kid, all I saw was a Charlie Brown falling down, and that element of physical comedy sparked laughter. Now, a little older and arguably wiser, I recognize that everytime the ball was snatched away, he fell, and then he got back up. Time and time again, he would retake his place, and run towards the ball, proving that if you define "insanity" as repeating the same tasks expecting different results, Charlie Brown was insane.

I know how that feels.

At 23, I have finally reached a point in my life where I look back upon an unhealthy relationship with an outsider's perspective. There was a beautiful girl in my life that served as a high-rate therapist and high-maintainance love interest. For nearly five years, I refused to believe that this girl, we'll call her Lucy, would really want to hurt me, and regardless of anything else, we were friends. We have not spoken in nearly 8 months. Of course, this time has passed faster with the help of long work hours, re-runs of 'Futurama', and time spent with my other close friends. While I've wondered at times what Lucy's been up to in life and where her journey has taken her, another part of me came to a saddening realization. Friendship is something that is not for lease. It should not be based on convenience. It is founded on mutual respect and love. In this sense, Lucy has not been my friend for a longer time than I thought.

There have been times since this realization that I wondered what Charlie Brown would do if he realized the same thing about his Lucy. Part of me likes to think he would stand his ground and give Lucy what she had coming all along, an accidentally misplaced kick to the face. In some instances, my family and friends feel I should get even, too. But it is here where if I was Charlie Brown, and he was me, we would both dust ourselves off, turn around and walk away from the wrecked games we were playing, muttering a final emotional "Good grief."

That being said, turning over a new leaf in my love life, hopefully not straying from the comfort in the funny pages, I hope that maybe I can regain my confidence again. I have always had a fear of rejection and now I have this fear of hurt, to boot. I hope that someday, I can find that courage to ask a girl out again. And maybe this time, at least I can see the pull-away coming before I hit the ground.